what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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