I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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