How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
