to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
