no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
