your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
