I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
