he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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