Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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