About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
