Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize