I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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