and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
