I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
