Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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