so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
