I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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