you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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