Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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