Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
