My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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