I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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