JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
