Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
