I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
