I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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