the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
