Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
