you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
