this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
