WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
