So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
