Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
