you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just found a bag of teeth...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
