Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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