I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
