Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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