I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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