I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
