I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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