Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
