I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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