Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
