oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
