White coat. Heels.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
