the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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