oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone says I win the strip club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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