genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
