I forgot how hot balto sounded
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
