Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
