u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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