making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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