the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
