well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize