dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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