you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
