I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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