bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
