Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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