It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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