Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
