You're completely useless in the revolution.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
