kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.