carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives