its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come