Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas