fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
