I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
True college students do jello shots in the library
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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