Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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