peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
