the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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