umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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